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Posts Tagged ‘Step-mom’

Jenty did this meme today inviting those inspired to join in.  No, she didn’t tag me, but something my step-daughter said a few days ago, inspired me to write and to jump on the band-wagon.

Apparently it’s about mutation?!

“Proponents of memes suggest that memes evolve via natural selection – in a way very similar to Charles Darwin’s ideas concerning biological evolution – on the premise that variation, mutation, competition, and “inheritance” influence their replicative success. For example, while one idea may become extinct, other ideas will survive, spread and mutate – for better or for worse – through modification.”

So we’re all about mutation and propagation here, people. As we’ve all already subdivided and had kids, let’s mutate! Add yours to the list.

1. Real Moms don’t flinch when they talk about boobs. They do make you laugh your brains out.

2. Real moms go on vacation. Real moms go on vacation and learn to play traffic cop.

3. Real moms brag about their kids

3. Real moms do not mince words when they present the truth.

4. Real moms juggle

5. Real moms “resist the guilt and embrace the journey”

6. Real moms don’t give a damn to media generated Mommy Wars

7. Real moms have kids with potty mouths

8.  Real moms sometimes forget about toddler-proofing

And mine….

9. Real moms can be step-moms

The rules:

  • Copy the above text to your blog, leaving all links in tact and add in who tagged you.
  • Add your ‘real mom’ contribution to the list.
  • Tag as many moms as you can.
  • And meme-ify!

I hate tagging!  So here is my mutation (along with any grammer errors I might have found)…if you feel inspired, join in.

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With all the innocence of a 7 year old, my step-daughter said recently “One day soon you will be a real mom!”, excitedly referring to her Dad’s upcoming vasectomy reversal.  She soooooo badly wants a baby in the family, preferably a sister, sharing her room.

I looked at her and said “Honey, I’m a REAL MOM already!  Being a step-mom to you and your brother is as real to me and you as your real mom is”.

Of course I understood what she was saying…one day soon, god(s) willing…I will be a biological mom.

But I wanted her to know that the mothering I do for them is just as important as what their “real” mom does.  When the kids are with us, if I am not mothering with all my heart and soul (mistakes and all)  I am doing them and myself a disservice.  How much more “real” can you get than that?  I mean, really!

The words coming out of my mouth surprised me as much as her.

Wow.  I’m impressed with where we are now in this complicated “blended family” business, compared to where we were 18 months ago.

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Being a Step-Mom

My role as step-mom to my husband’s two kids…it’s a toughy. Where does it define what a step-mom’s role is? Because I have no freaking idea what it should be! I know what I want it to be. But no idea if it’s appropriate or not.

I want to be a real mom, someone the kids come to for comfort, love, affection and guidance. I want to care for, nurture, love and protect them with all the fierceness of a mother tiger. But I cannot force this on the kids. And, they have a mother who loves them dearly and is heavily involved in their lives already. What they don’t know is that she’s a screw up and is making crappy life decisions for them. But they don’t need to know that yet. Oh, but don’t get me wrong, I have a great relationship with the kids, but they don’t, and probably never will, see me as a mom.

At the moment I seem to be letting the kids decide what my role will be, but that kind of seems wrong, to let a kid decide such big things in my life. I don’t know what else to do though. Maybe this really is the only thing I can do.

B’s kids are M, his daughter, who is 6 and N, his son, who is 8, turning 9 very soon. Him and his ex have a 50/50 custodial and residency agreement. That means we have the kids one week in our house and she has them the next in her house. They go to the same school all the time (hopefully that would be obvious!) and for every other week, I get to do the “mom” stuff. But every now and then, reality rears it’s ugly head and I am reminded that not only am I not a “real” mom, but I have this undefined airy-fairy role of step-mom.

Like this week for example. It is our week with them. B and I (both – pretty much equally) will get them up in the mornings, feed them, make sure they are clean and dressed appropriately, do their homework with them, spend some leisurely time with them just hanging out, talk about any of the upteen bizare issues that come up and finally get them to bed in the evenings. In other words, invest my time, energy and heart in them. You know, be co-parents.

But tomorrow is a special movie day at M’s school. They get to take their stuffed animals to school, pillow and blanket and watch a movie snuggling with their parents, if their parents choose to come in. I didn’t even get to hear about this. And M organized for her mom to go with her. So her mom gets to go in – on “my” week – and share this special time with her at school – and I get nothing. To make things even worse, M asked if her dad could come too. So not only do I not get to go, but she wants her mom and dad to go – who are divorced. B starts his new job tomorrow, so he told her couldn’t go. Who knows what he would have said had this been a regular day for him.

I am hurting.  I feel rejected and neglected.  I know it’s riduclous.  M has done nothing wrong.  Her mom will always be her mom.  But where then do I fit in?  I thought I would get to go to these sorts of things on our week.  Guess I was wrong.  I feel myself withdrawing from the kids, not wanting to invest so that the hurt is less.  And doing that, feels wrong too.  It feels like I’m not doing right by the kids by withdrawing.  I feel so confused and torn by this.

At times like this, I want my own child. Even though I know it’s simply nuts to bring another child into our crazy lives.

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