Posts Tagged ‘birthday’

Today my heart is sore.

Last night South African crime claimed it’s first victim from my family.

Many of my close friends and family members have been victimized by criminals in South Africa over the last few years:

  • My mom was car-jacked and held at gun point. Luckily she escaped with her life, purse-less and car-less, but unharmed. At her pleading, the villains were kind enough to at least leave her very expensive medications.
  • My dad was car-jacked and held at gun point and lost his personal belongings and his car. He was also lucky enough to escape unharmed and alive.
  • My brother-in-law was car-jacked and held at gun point with an AK47. He also escaped with his life, banged up some, but alive.
  • A good friend was held at gun point in his factory and robbed.
  • Another friend and her family (incl. 2 small children) were attacked in their home, bound and robbed. They too escaped with their lives, but not before some serious threats were made towards their lives and insinuations of rape made towards my friend and her little girl.

(These are just some of the violent and ugly crimes I can think of right now).

But last night was the first time someone close to me actually lost their life to South African crime…my uncle. I don’t know the full details yet, but he was murdered in his home in the early hours of the morning.

I feel sick. And so very grateful that I no longer live in South Africa and that most of my friends and immediate family live in more peaceful countries. It is hard being so far from home. But oh-my-gosh, the pain of separation is far better than the constant living in fear and wondering when it’s going to happen to me or my husband or my kids.

May you rest in peace Uncle Allan.

It has been a strange time…with death surrounding me this whole month.

18th August – My birthday. A few days before, I was clearing out some paperwork and found a old birthday card. It was the very last birthday card my mother ever sent me before she died in December 2006. I hardly ever keep cards, so it’s a miracle I still had it. It felt like a gift from her, sent down from heaven just for my birthday this year.

20th August – My uncle Brian and uncle Ian’s birthday.  Except Brian is no longer with us as he choose to barricade himself in his apartment, set it on fire and then jump out of the window when someone tried to bash his door down to save him.  He never knew my mom had died as he had disappeared from the family and no one knew where he was. He died as a pauper without his next of kin being notified. My uncle Ian went on a countrywide search looking for him and found out his fate about 2 months after he died.

26th August – My friend Nicole’s grandmother passed away. Nicole was very close to her grandmother and is feeling the loss acutely. My heart goes out to her.

27th August – The 1st anniversary of my cousin Clint’s untimely death. He was 39 and left behind his wife and small son. The doctors still don’t understand what went wrong exactly, so there is a lot of unresolved pain around his death. Clint and I had lost touch over the years, but we spent many childhood vacations together. We had just become reacquainted via Facebook in June 2007 and then he died in August 2007. I cannot bring myself to delete him from my Facebook friend list. So there he still stays, like he is still alive and never left. Strangely, I dreamt of him during this past week. He appeared to me as a spirit protector. How wonderfully comforting that was.

29th August – The anniversary of my grandfather’s death. He was a lovely, gentle, peaceful man. This day is also my brother’s birthday. He turned 30 this year.

30th August – The day of Nicole’s grandmother’s funeral. This day is also Kat’s, another good friend, wedding.

3rd Sept – Today my uncle Allan is murdered in his home. Out of 4 siblings, only one remains. My mother passed away in December 2006, prematurely, through smoking complications. My uncle Brian committed suicide December 2007.  And now my uncle Allan – gone. My heart goes out to my uncle Ian. Loosing all his siblings in an 18 month period. Today is also the day of my father’s birthday.

What a month of bitter sweetness….of endings and beginnings…of joy and sadness. The wheel of life really does continue turning.

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Today, right now, I am pissed off.
I cannot get my freaking program (computer program, that is…in PHP) to work.  And so I have left my desk in a huff to pursue more pleasant pursuits (like eating and blogging).  B had better get home fast and help me.  Because right now I’m barely holding together the gaskets.

And it is sleeting (which will probably mean B will take longer to get home :-().  It does look nice, however.  Like a fine dusting of icing sugar sprinkled by the fairies all over the yard.  The neighbor across the road is readying his snow plough.  Maybe roads will be so bad tomorrow we can have an incliment weather day (or snow day) and stay home.

Speaking of sugar, today I confirmed that binging on sugar causes me to get headaches.  I have long suspected it.  But today, it was an instant reaction.  A few 2″x2″ pound cakes lathered with marshmallow and the heachache hit.  I have always maintained that I am lucky in that anything bad for my body, like cigarettes, excess alcohol and some soft drugs I have tried, always make me feel so sick, that I rarely indulge.  Except for food that is.  I overeat and overeat and overeat and feel bloated and lethargic.  And I’ve thought to myself that maybe if I was actually throw-up sick from food, I would finally listen to my body.  Well, maybe that’s what these headaches are saying to me.  LISTEN TO YOUR FREAKING BODY, YOU MORON!!!  I don’t know though, I love sugar…and when I have some, I want more and more.  It truly becomes compulsive.  My mother-in-law went on a 12 step program for food addicts once and their theory is that alcohol gets converted into sugar, same as refined sugar, so aside from the toxicity from alcohol, they both have the same effect on blood sugar.  So in actual fact, people like me, may be a sugar chemical addict.  Sounds really dramatic, doesn’t it.

So now I have a sugar headache and am pissed off.  Lovely.

Yesterday was my deceased mother’s birthday.  She would have been 61.  I feel kind of numb about it.

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